I hear women (and occasionally men) say this "chivalry is dead" .. and I totally agree. However, unlike the women who usually say this, I'm really happy about that.
Chivalry is a remnant of a time when women were considered inferior, weak, possessions to be protected.. (this post is not an assertion that much has changed.)
Maybe it's nice to have somebody rush to open the door for you but the fact is that the thought-process that goes into this gesture is the same thought-process that goes into the "bad" gestures that men have historically made towards women (such as, not allowing them to vote.) If we, as women, don't want to be treated as inferior when it works to our disadvantage, we can't say it's acceptable when it happens to work in our advantage. If he can open your door for you because you're a woman, he can also deny you a job because you're a woman.
If somebody does something nice for me, I want it to be based on something other than the fact that I have a vagina. Whoever gets to the door first should open it first, and please stop pulling out my chair for me to sit down. Next time somebody does that to me, I'm going to call them to come wipe me the next time I'm in the bathroom.
Chivalry is dead...thankfully.
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I get your point here, but I think that some people exercise "chivalry" as a matter of course--that it is not always as simple as men acting in antiquated ways toward women. I am too lazy to get my dictionary out on this, so that I can nit-pick (lol) but chivalry, or opening the door, pulling out a chair, or doing anything for someone that they are perfectly able to do for themselves can really be as simple as being nice. No political motives, no condescending attitude, no denial of that person's own capabilities. ok, I have to go get my dictionary, as I suspect the saying should be revised. "Common courtesy is dead" or "kindness lives"? bbs
Ok, I admit, chivalry IS dead. Knights no longer exist; however, courteous behavior should be extended between people of all kinds, regardless of gender, etc..
I often rush ahead to open the door for someone else, step aside to let them pass, wave them through at a stop sign. Sometimes, I notice they would benefit from some help (they are older, their arms are full, they are inhibited in some way), but usually it is just something I do because I always feel good when someone does it for me. It seems small or absurd on some level, but for me it signals a form of acknowledgement, a pause in the midst of general and apparently selfish oblivion, a moment of awareness of another that actually makes the world a better place, ESPECIALLY if that other is not expecting it.
The other day (yesterday) twice I stood aside at the door and waited for my son to catch-up and open it for me. LOL. Both times, I was at the door before him. One of the times, my arms were free, but still, I waited, then went so far as to inform him of my expectations. Training, perhaps. If he thinks of it for me--'merely' his mother--he just might think of it for another. I open the door and hold it for him ALL the time. It is, on some level, or rather can be, a show of respect, and this is the whole idea.
If I am at the door before him and go through and let the door close as he approaches--well, that's just not cool. If and when it happens, I assure you, it is not about disrespect, but it IS about distraction, or being in a rush, or simply being in my own LITTLE world. Sometimes, it can't be avoided, but when it can be, I try not to do it. It is a way of saying, without words, 'hey, you are with me, near me, around me, I am aware of this. Such a thing extended to a stranger--well, this can completely change a person's day, even their entire outlook.
"If somebody does something nice for me, I want it to be based on something other than the fact that I have a vagina."
Really, we have no disagreement here, but it is possible to incorrectly read someone's motives. Unless I know differently, unless their is glaring evidence to suggest it is sexism, I'm gonna call it "courtesy."
Yeah. I don't mind doing things or having things done out for "courtesy's sake" I find myself standing around too much waiting& holding the door too long for strangers that walk too slow. I can't question every time somebody does something nice, but if I notice somebody holds open doors for me but not for other (male) friends, I'll eventually ask why and get irritated if they say "because you're a girl"
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